Thursday, February 28, 2008

Paralyzed

These days I find myself wanting to move toward working again but I am frozen with fear. The only thing I’m sure of is that I will not be moving toward a church any time soon, if ever. The last church dealt with my stepping down from a position that I truly hoped would eventually become a staff position by avoiding any frustrations that I voiced and then, in one final blow, told me point blank that I stepped down because it was my pattern and that it was a good thing that I left when I did. No wonder people are moving away from organized religion as recent articles have stated. We go to church hoping to find others who are seeking ways to live out their faith instead of resorting to crushing generalizations. Mediation was offered but why would I step into mediation if everything was already my fault? Why take another chance of being blamed for everything?

Previously, I had years of encouraging spiritual formation through programming. I was always surveying small group material and trying to find the best teaching videos because people had such little time for prep. They would grow if I found the right study guide and a video to put in their hand. Now I know (and Willow Creek Church has confessed after a thorough study) that spiritual formation cannot be programmed. Information is wonderful and vital but people need to experience authentic relationships committed to love and community in order to experience the gospel.

Our small group has kept the focus on getting to know each other and laughing together while doing things like watching “Napoleon Dynamite” and eating tater tots. We have no programming but have had great discussions. We are building community and genuinely like/love each other. I have no doubt that if someone voiced a frustration that the entire group would give their time and energy toward dealing with it. That doesn’t happen in a church. Focus is on the task, the event, the numbers, the publicity, and so on… with little energy left on the intentional focus of working through disagreements. I know there are exceptions in churches and it is not as black and white as I am describing it here. I’m just sharing my own personal experience in more than one church.

I know some people think we left because we wanted our way with how things were done on Sunday mornings. The truth is that we would have never joined in the first place and encouraged others to join if we had been told from the beginning how Sunday mornings were really going to go. We were very clear about our hopes and dreams for a church that drew in others already disillusioned by their past experiences. Now we stand outside with the rest of the disillusioned and hold out hope that somehow it’s still possible to find ways to love God and love each other.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great thoughts....Kelly and I are blessed to be a part of your small (but growing) group. We have yur backs and you always have our ears, hearts and minds to talk to!

Sequoia Lea Ananda said...

Thanks. I love and support whatever you do. You are a good person who has been shit on by people in the church. I can relate as you know. I wished I lived closer so I could be a part of your small group. I need that kind of community, where people support each other and watch Napoleon Dynamite and eat tater tots. Keep up the search. You have a lot to offer the community, you just have to find YOUR way of giving, a way that keeps you healthy and fulfills your desire to be who you are and still give light to others.

Deb Wiggins said...

Bob - Cortney, thank you for your words of encouragement. Your support does matter and please know that I send those thoughts back to you as well.

Bob, we are blessed by you and Kelly as well. Just laughing together has been so healing.

Cortney, you know we'll do whatever we can to help you find your place in the world. Thank you for your words of wisdom.

Brian said...

Deb,

Someday we'll have to sit down and talk about what happened with you at our church. I've only heard bits and pieces. But, I am sorry for what happened. You titled your post "paralyzed". Often after a loss, it's important to take a time out. Because you were so passionate about the start up, having it not work out for you is a big loss, I'm sure.

Churches, IMO are neither all good or all bad. But, there is a definite problem that you pointed out well. There is always the issue of survival and programming to appeal to the people supporting the "mission". Often (almost always?) attention to the needs of the individuals lose out to the needs of the church. At least a house church or small group eliminates some of those problems.

Deb Wiggins said...

I know there's things that churches can accomplish that small groups/house churches can't. And I said before that we need both. But I still believe that when it stops being about people then we're in trouble. Thanks,Brian,for your kind words. I, too, am very sorry for the way things transpired. Fortunately, I'm married to a very supportive man and that has kept my cynicism from going over the edge!

Chuck said...

But you are married to a very cynical man!!

Deb Wiggins said...

A cynical man who is very wise when it comes to knowing when and where grace is needed.