In these last few minutes left of Mother's Day all I can think is "God, I hate this day." I miss my mother even though she's been gone 12 years. I will never get used to it - I've just tried to adjust to it like a person who has lost a limb. I think the resurrection part of this story has yet to play out. My beliefs tell me that I am separated from her temporarily and I will have eternity to yell at her for not letting us know sooner that she had breast cancer while hugging her for handling it with so much courage.I also hate this day because I was not able to have children. I was fearful of adoption because of the unknowns. I have great respect and admiration for the people who were not as fearful as I. There have been signs of life as I have grieved the loss of the unborn over the years. I was a teacher for 23+ years and had the priviledge of mothering many children. It took me awhile to understand that there would be children in my life.... just not the way I thought. Even now at 53 I have a friend who has asked me to babysit her three boys once or twice a week this summer. What a wonderful arrangement - I get to hang out with them and then send them back! It's a gift to be trusted with someone else's children. It gives me hope that I might have been a decent mom if I had been able to have my own.
3 comments:
I was really thinking about you on Mother's Day. Now I feel bad that I didn't reach out. I'm sorry that day is so hard. I know you are an inspiration to many. You have great nuturing skills. My boys jumped up and down and fell out on the ground when I told them you were going to babysit this summer. You are such a blessing.
I too thought about you on Mother's Day for both reasons that you mentioned. Losing my mother is one of my greatest fears even though I don't see her that often. It's a difficult relationship in most people's lives but it's the person who gave you life and did so much to form who you are.
Thank you for your responses. I pictured the boys' reaction and had to laugh! Yes, mothers and daughters have a very tangled relationship even under the best of circumstances. That must be another reason why we have eternity together because it will take that long to untangle it all!
Post a Comment