Tethered to the Divine

Best of 2008

2009-01-01T13:19:00.006-05:00

Top Ten + 1 of 2008 - in no certain order.

Menopause the Musical which caused us to laugh out loud at this particular phase of our lives
Spiritual Direction Training at Vineyard Central in Norwood
Silver Clay Class at Fairfield Community Arts Center - Christmas gift from Chuck
Easter dinner with Nabors family - a very warm and hospitable family
Volunteer opportunities at St. Raphael Social Services
Cortney moving into Hamilton area
Toddstock in Hawaii - of course!
Ike wind storm for many reasons
Counseling Conference in Columbus with Jeanie
Open House in my home to sell jewelry - mine and other crafters' work
2008 Christmas with sister and brother-in-law - love Christmas with family

Blessings on your New Year!

When Love Comes to Town

2008-12-24T15:41:00.004-05:00

I love the mystery of God incarnate moving from spirit to flesh and taking a tiny step into our world as a baby. God could have arrived in any form yet chose to show up as one of us in our most vulnerable form. Just as vulnerable and open as love when it comes into our lives in its truest form. A baby is probably as close as we can get to uncomplicated love – vulnerable, fragile and yet a powerful force to reckon with.

I’ve been thinking about how we look at the birth of Christ as the arrival of love. I just can’t seem to settle for that narrow of a story. I think it needs to be stretched much, much further. God is love – for all time. Forgive me for stating the obvious but God has always been with us even before we could sense the mystery of something more. Love was breaking through long before the birth of Christ and will continue to pierce our barriers. Why does this matter to me so much? It matters to me terribly because the Christmas story can easily become a story about anything but love. We can claim this story as our own and before we know it find ourselves believing that God loves only Christians. That is why we must remind ourselves that the son of God has always been present in God. That love, the same love that spurred the incarnation, was available long before the notion of Christianity. Christ himself didn’t bring the notion of Christianity with him but the hope of new life. New life is birthed out of love – real love.

I hope this Christmas you can look into the eyes of those people who are very different from you and remember that God loves them. The Spirit of Christmas is a Spirit of Love that transcends time and even the Christmas story itself. This Spirit of Christmas gives us reason to never consider war as an option. As the bumper sticker says to be "against the next war before it even gets started.” Love is not limited to a religion, an ideology, or race. U2 has a song titled, “When Love Comes to Town” which describes the transformation that takes place when love moves in. If only, in the Spirit of Christmas, we can let love come into our town and our hearts.

By the way, the image is artwork by Jeff Nabors.

Year 54

2008-12-08T14:27:00.003-05:00

Year 54 and counting. As I get older I am more aware of the tension - the tension between finding my own voice and the need for community and relationships. I say that I couldn't care less about what others think but I don't know if that's true or not. I suspect I care very deeply. I have seen so many people come and go in my life for one reason or another and now I have so few good friends. At this point, I'm trying to learn how to hold onto these relationships with a healthy grip.

I took some time this morning on the day of my birth to reflect on where I stand on relationships after 54 years. I am still so insecure on where I stand with people and I find that pattern so frustrating. I know it's a pattern. This morning I was recalling my relationships with my parents and how that formed this pattern of insecurity over the first 18 years. I was never really certain where I stood with them. My parents fought as if my sister and I were not present, not really there. We could be going down the road at 60 miles an hour and mom would threaten to jump out of the car. My sister and I sitting in the back seat trapped and stunned. So many thoughts going through our young minds regarding our mother and our future. We saw enough violence that we learned relationships can turn on a dime.

Fifty four years and I am still trying to change this pattern. I am healthier in the sense that I have little or no tolerance for being treated as if I'm not present. At 54 I don't have time to be treated as if I don't exist. I am still working on finding ways to accept relationships for what they are and trying to have realistic expectations. I will be working on this the rest of my life because the old pattern is so embedded in my thoughts. The awareness of this pattern is a gift and allows me to step back and examine my responses to people. The biggest hurdle for me is accepting the fact that people are okay spending time with me. I know I have some attributes that people don't necessarily want to be around like sounding like a "know it all". I know it can also be very difficult being around a person dealing with depression and low energy. Some fun! At the same time, I know we are always extending grace to each other in one way or another. Grace allows us to truly be present in the life of each other.

Community and relationships are our most valued possessions as we get older - our most difficult and precious gifts. I still have some time and I hope some day that I will know how to receive and give these gifts.

Twenty Six and Counting

2008-11-20T15:10:00.005-05:00

Twenty six years ago we were married at 2:30 in the afternoon at College Hill Presbyterian by three pastors: Ron Rand, Jerry Kirk, and Chuck's father, Branson C. Wiggins. Just a bit overkill but no one could doubt that we are really married. It was slightly rainy and a little bit warmer than it is today. There was a Thanksgiving Day parade in College Hill in which Chuck was stuck for a few minutes trying to get Graeter's ice cream for the reception in order to surprise me. He continues to be thoughtful and full of surprises to this day.

I don't know why I'm so blessed with a friend, a partner, and a soulmate. Not everyone gets that privilege in this life. He has been patient with my career choice to step out of teaching. He has been sensitive to my journey with depression. He is the most talented person I know. He quietly reads and continues to expand his knowledge base. Not only is he intelligent but he is also wise which is a wonderful combination. I have the utmost respect for him. He has made me laugh until I cry. His beliefs are based in the hope that we will evolve into the better versions of ourselves. He's a geek and an artist. He is a quiet man who plays a fierce accordion.

I don't know why this good fortune has been bestowed on me. There is no apparent reason for it. But I'll gladly take it and hope for many more years with the one I love.

Chuck rocks on "Stairway to Heaven"

2008-11-17T14:37:00.001-05:00

This is Chuck

2008-11-15T11:38:00.000-05:00

Jeanie with the Cool Glasses

2008-11-07T21:07:00.008-05:00

I attended a counseling conference this week at the invitation of my friend, Jeanie. Jeanie and I have much in common but our most exciting commonality is our passion for helping people move toward healing and wholeness. It floats our boats, charges our batteries, and blows our dresses up. Jeanie is an excellent counselor and she has walked me through many trying times in my life. Let's just say if she were charging me by the hour then I would have to ask the government for some of that financial bailout money.

At this conference I was able to find sessions where counseling and spirituality were linked. Interestingly enough, the speakers of these sessions spoke from the premise that you cannot separate counseling the person from their spiritual/religious stance. The emotional, psychological and spiritual are intertwined and getting to the root of an issue can often lie in the spiritual/religious realm. Of course, I was very excited to see a secular conference acknowledge the connection in their effort to move people toward psychological health.

I was able to attend sessions such as "Using Biblical Principles to Move Clients from Fear to Forgiveness", "Empowering Clients by Using Spirituality in Counseling", "Counseling Issues with Clients from Mainline Christian Denominations", and "Wired for Joy or Wired for Stress." Of course, I am not a counselor nor would I ever pretend to be. But I have been trained in Spiritual Direction and this renewed my passion for coming alongside people on their own spiritual journey.

I have three main reasons for my passion for Spiritual Direction. First, this is what I am gifted to do. I am a listener, an empathizer, and I love to see people move toward wholeness. I have my own life experiences with depression and loss so I know the struggle of moving from the pit to standing on my own two feet. Of course, I am still moving toward wholeness and I have far to go. I believe my woundedness is the gift that I bring to others. Second, I have worked as an Adult Discipleship Coordinator in a local church. I spent much time finding and developing programs to help people in the area of spiritual transformation. Of course, some of it was very helpful to others as well as myself. I don't totally discount programming. At the same time, I firmly believe that transformation cannot be programmed. I don't believe that Bible knowledge or reading a Christian book generally changes a person. I have seen people who know much about the Bible show the least love to others and there have been times that I can include myself in the category. I do believe that Spiritual Direction forces you to identify where you are with God and what is happening in your spiritual life right now. The goal of Spiritual Direction is to help you identify the desires of your heart and to do the work that helps you move toward those goals. Spiritual Direction is about your spiritual ideology, not mine. I am there to keep the focus on that point that the Holy Spirit is moving you toward. My job is to help you find answers to questions by drawing those answers from you. You are the only one who truly knows the answers and I dance the dance of listening and asking questions and then stepping out of the way of what is happening between you and God. This is truly spiritual transforming work because you are no longer in the knowledge realm but facing the reality of where you are spiritually and how it plays out in your life. It is the joy of being actively involved with your God in the healthiest way possible. The third reason I am passionate about Spiritual Direction is because I have been on a church staff and I have been in that place where I needed a truly safe and confidential place. The reality is that this place is very difficult to find in your own church. So my heart goes out to all the people on a church staff from the custodian to the pastor(s). Most church staffs consist of wonderful people trying to do an impossible job. Their need for support is immense and absolutely necessary. I know Spiritual Direction can be that place that recharges their batteries and helps them to return to an impossible task. Of course, you don't have to be on a church staff to need Spiritual Direction. Anyone can need it at any point in their life.

I am grateful to Jeanie for asking me to go with her. I just hope I have the energy and courage to pound the pavement to make myself available as a Spiritual Director. Just email me if you are interested, what to know more, or know of someone who might be interested. And if it's counseling that you need then I'll just refer you to my friend, Jeanie.

Breast Cancer Awareness Month

2008-10-06T11:46:00.005-04:00

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Every October I brace myself for the networks dragging out the experts to talk on the subject. They share old and new insights (if they have any) and then end with the same bottom line - early detection. I brace myself for the pink merchandise with a percentage of the sales going to cancer research. Seriously, how many pink toasters do we have to buy before cancer is cured? If someone could tell me, I would do whatever it takes to buy that number of them. And I seriously hate the color pink.

On Sunday, October 15, 1995 Chuck and I headed for the Tall Stacks event along the Cincinnati riverfront. Chuck was in a Cajun band at the time called "Lagniappe" and they were scheduled to play on the Covington side of the river. The weather was perfect. The steamboats and period costumes transformed the riverfront to a different time as all that the city skyline represented seemed to move further and further into the background. The music and dancing celebrated the memory of a slower pace of life. I can still remember the relaxed and quiet atmosphere that made us want every Sunday afternoon to be such a peaceful escape.

I stopped by the store on the way home from Tall Stacks for a few things and picked up cans of Healthy Choice soup for my mom. Yes, ironically, Healthy Choice was the brand and nothing from that moment on had anything to do with healthy choices. She had been getting weaker and had a chronic cough. She told us that the doctor had been treating her for pneumonia. I thought hot soup would certainly help with fighting an infection. I went in her house with no idea what I was walking into. I gave her the soup and then she told me what she should have told me months ago. She was certain that she had breast cancer. I asked her how she knew and she said she had a lump that had changed. Changed? I would find out later that the lump had ulcerated clear through her skin. I asked, really begged her to take her to the hospital. My mother did things her way and so I had to wait three days to take her to a doctor's appointment that she had made. Three days. Three of the longest days of my life when all I could think of was my mother and deal with the anger because I could not get the help she needed any sooner. When I finally got her to the doctor she was in the room with him not more than five minutes when he came out and told me to get her to the hospital. In a way, I was relieved just to be able to get her to a place where she had less control which is exactly why she didn't want to go to the hospital.

She survived three months because the cancer had metastasized from head to toe. Chemo slowed the killer down but couldn't stop it. She actually died from a heart attack because the chemo had damaged her heart. The only reason early detection works is because you don't need as much chemo and radiation to kill the cancer. Less chemo means less damage to the good cells. It's that simple.

My mother lived her life with the simple goal of making people laugh and found moments to make that happen even through her treatment. I admired her strength and courage in light of such a ruthless enemy. I will always be so proud of the way she lived out her last three months of life. She had a inner energy that few people have and yet she was still no match for cancer. She did it her way. She let us in on her secret battle when she was ready but her timing was off and the battle had already been lost.

Every year I am painfully aware that it is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I hate the word, "Awareness", because it is such a pitiful word and so far from the word or words that would give us hope. Pink is much too mild a color for all the grieving cancer has wrought. I'm sorry. I know full well that I'm wrong for feeling this way but all the pink ribbons, marathons, and Oprahesque talk show experts are about as effective as a pink toaster. The only hope I have is that I know my mother's spirit could not be conquered by cancer. She lives on in the hearts of many people and in another dimension that cancer cannot reach.

Cruisin'

2008-10-03T17:39:00.009-04:00

Contrary to hurricane winds, we were invited to join our gracious friends, Yvan and Martine, on a riverboat cruise. The cruise was a thank you to musicians for playing at an event and we got to go along for the ride. As you can tell by the last two pictures, Yvan and Chuck were in their element. Yvan and a few of the other musicians who are in Lagniappe which Chuck was also in for awhile played great tunes while we coasted up and down the river. So peaceful and what seemed to be so far away from Fairfield. Our friend, Cortney, joined us and took the first two pics with my camera. Every Sunday afternoon should be so pleasant!

Ike Blew Through Sept. 14, 2008

2008-10-03T16:46:00.006-04:00

Tree on the house.

Tree in the pool.
Tree in front of the garage - just missed it.

Chuck watched as the neighbor's tree fell into our pool while the dogs and I ran for the living room. I wasn't sure it was going to miss the house so I wanted to be in the part of the house that had two levels. When the tree fell it took down two utility poles so we were without electricity until Monday, September 22nd. The repairmen were actually from North Carolina and we were grateful for their work. We had cable but didn't have internet until Friday, Sept. 26th. Yes, twelve days without internet. Our neighbors, Jeff and Cyndi, helped us get our "fix" by using our computers at their house. Cyndi also made coffee for me on her camp stove when neither of us had electricity. Then she continued to make coffee for me when she had electricity and I didn't. Guess she didn't want to find out what would have happened if I didn't get my caffeine in the morning. It was great having morning coffee with her and spending time talking. I hope we can do our "coffee chat" again sometime minus the hurricane.

It's been almost three weeks since Ike blew through town and I was out in the yard today picking up limbs so the yard could be mowed. We are still waiting to talk to the insurance adjuster for the damage to the pool, etc. Ike has been long gone but we'll be dealing with the aftermath for quite some time. I did enjoy playing Scrabble by candlelight with Chuck. He had to sleep at Jeff and Cyndi's because of his sleep apnea. I stayed here with the dogs at night. They had already been disturbed enough all day long by strange men outside with loud chainsaws. Micah, Jadon, Noah and Carolyn were over on the day they pulled the tree out of the pool. It was quite a feat.

During all this I heard what Galveston was going through and realized this was nothing compared to their devastation. We certainly have no complaints - just fewer trees.

Forgiveness is Not Optional

2008-09-09T12:30:00.007-04:00

The way I understand the Christ model (and others) for the healthiest way of being in this world is to receive and extend forgiveness. I've always had a tendency to embrace the spiritual meaning behind such ideology when I could intuitively sense the grounding in good psychology. We are wired to heal and thrive in the presence of grace. Anything less is toxic.

I have learned that forgiveness often includes the need for boundaries. I have done much examination to come to the point of forgiveness for C. Church. No doubt they have had to do much work forgiving me. My relationship with them will be forever changed yet I can pray that ministry abounds there. I can pray that their love for one another and for God grows in such a way that community abounds. I can pray that they are that city sitting on a hill shining a bright light to those in darkness. I can hope that they are blessed and, at the same time, know that it is all for the best that I am outside of that circle. The act of forgiveness has allowed me to step back and see through a more realistic lense. Of course, I prefer my own lense which prefers my own point of view. I could hold onto that point of view and never move on but that only holds me prisoner while they have moved on a long time ago. Forgiveness is as much about setting myself free as it is setting the other free.

I can pray that N. Church thrives in this area because there is no other community like it. I know there is work to be done there that can't be done in most other churches. I pray it is a center of healing and wholeness. I can have high hopes for N. Church and love the people there while living on the outside. I could hold onto something that was not meant to be or find the grace to accept things as they are.

I struggle the most with the loss of finding that place where I would have served on the staff of a church leading spiritual formation. I have to extend the same forgivess to myself for not being able to have or do whatever it takes to fulfill that dream. It is difficult to forgive yourself because you're looking at yourself through a realistic lense and owning your own barriers that you put up. But it's the only way to move on and live into a different dream that could possibly be fulfilled. Forgiveness is the freedom we need to be fully alive.

At times forgiveness may go against every fiber of our being. We don't have to smooth over what happened or say it was okay. Forgiveness doesn't even mean you have to forget. It just means that at some point you have to let go of the hope that something will happen that will release the pain for you and just pull that trigger yourself. Grace is a choice and all are better when we allow ourselves to hold out hope for everyone and our own hopes and dreams.

Speaking of Community

2008-08-24T14:11:00.004-04:00

Yes, my comments about the community at Toddstock are very idealistic. We were together for one week and then we parted ways. Knowing there was an end in sight put us more at ease with each other. Our highest goals were to enjoy being on this leveling ground with an extremely gifted artist and to enjoy each other's company. Goals that were not difficult to achieve. There was a sign up sheet for each day where people signed up to cook, clean, etc. No manipulation, no big recruiting talks, just here's what needs to be done, now do something. We don't care if it's in the realm of your gifts, talents, or passion just make this happen so everyone can have what they need. So simple that you automatically gravitated to the tasks that you knew you could do fairly well or with someone's help. It all got done.

It was so much more difficult in a church community. In C. Church the unspoken goals were to produce the best image, numbers, and performance possible. The One we had come to be on leveling ground with was difficult to find and it was just too difficult to enjoy each other's company when image was such a concern. I was an outsider wanting to name problems and find solutions rather than pretending everything was fine. I moved further from the center because my temperament has no or little concern for image. I did not belong in this community anymore because the simple had become far too complicated for me.

I had hope in N. Church because this was certainly an open and affirming church. I had hope to find community in a church that refused to marginalize anyone. Turns out I had a better chance of not being marginalized if I were gay than hoping the Sunday worship were not so painfully traditional. I was told that it was a good thing that I was leaving because of the impact that it would have on the church as it grew and that it was my pattern to leave. I believe that if you are truly in community with a group - there is never a good time to leave. I'm certain my pattern had something to do with me leaving N. Church but I am certain that there were also patterns of other people coming into play here who weren't willing to own up.

Our small group of believers met this past Tuesday. We simply shared where we were emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Our relationships have been building for over a year now and this exercise opened us up to a deeper level. Strengths and weaknesses were shared. Goals met and goals yet to reach were shared. I shared with the group that my antidepressant had stopped working and that I appreciated their patience as I transitioned to a new one with the hope that it would lift this low level of depression. It was safe to be authentic with these people. I have received notes of encouragement and I will send them encouragement as well. Oh, the relief of not having to be someone else that I'm not. I can find Christ in the midst of that grace. Our goal is simple - to be a place of healing and encouragement to each other so we might bring some light to our families, friends, and coworkers. No performance, no numbers, no salaries, no building campaign, no one speaking for 45 minutes - just friends trying to follow Christ. We met Saturday morning at St. Raphael Social Services to do whatever needed to be done and again we enjoyed each other's company. I am done with church. If it works for you, that's wonderful but I am done with being marginalized by people who call themselves Christians.

Toddstock: Monday 6.23.08

2008-08-13T22:20:00.003-04:00

Such a mixed feeling - looking forward to going home and having been part of a real community. One of the reasons the week was such a success was that people had stepped in and volunteered to make so much of it happen. It gave me hope that community can and does exist. Todd and Michele were courageous enough to open up their home to friends and strangers and took a great risk. I know it doesn't always work out but this risk paid off and people honored their courage.

I found this quote in a review of a concert by Chris Ska on trconnection:

Before “Man Up” Todd said something like, “You’re wondering who this is for... The men in power are crooked liars. For the past 7 years they having been lousy, corrupt, lying... been giving us a bad name.” The crowd cheered and he added, “Being a man is helping the weak” He said it twice, he meant it. The audience was attentive, and applauded and cheered, some guy yelled out “Real Man!”

In light of the political atmosphere Todd's quote "Being a man (I'm going to add that woman is implied) is helping the weak" if actually applied would change the world. I'm sure Todd's spirituality is very pluralistic but I think this quote comes so close to what Christ was trying to say to all of us... help the weak. Of course, I'm not implying that Todd is Christlike at all. As we declared often during Toddstock, Todd is Godd!

Toddstock: Sunday 6.22.08

2008-08-13T15:19:00.004-04:00

This was a day that will go down in history - Todd's 60th birthday, Todd and Michele's anniversary and the debut of Todd's new CD, Arena.

Chuck had shared with some of the tech crew for the concert that he had camera experience so he was able to act a a runner for the camera guys. He had a great front row seat for the concert. Todd had men move the stage from the hillside to the koi pond (we didn't see any koi in the pond during the concert). It was the most amazing setting in the water directly in front of the open living room/kitchen. LED lights that lined all three walls eventually were used for a special lighting effects during the concert. That band was warming up and Todd appeared around 7 pm. The band consisted of the birthday guy, Jesse Gress on guitar, Prairie Prince on drums, Rachel Haden on bass and Matt Bolton on guitar and keyboards. It was inspiring to see a woman taking her stand among these great musicians. To up Rachel's coolness factor even more, she is the daughter of Charlie Haden, jazz bassist, and the sister-in-law of Jack Black.

The concert debuted the new CD, Arena, and was old school rock 'n roll. Some words were difficult to understand since the sound was difficult to control in Todd's backyard which faces a valley. We loved the words we could understand and Todd is such a great musician who gave us all hope that at 60 you could still continue to take whatever you're passionate about to a whole new level. There was such a great energy every minute of the concert and we truly felt priviledged because we were there for the debut. The tour info for this new CD can be found on trconnection.com.

Chuck had been hoping that more musicians would have brought instruments out to jam during the week. He finally decided to bring out the red digital accordion (which is now autographed by Todd who had heard the story about the accordion riding in first class and asked, "How's your marriage?") People started gathering and we sang every Todd song that we could remember. Pippi led us through most of the songs with her strong energy. Sitting there with people from so many different places and countries singing the song, "One World", will forever be one of my most cherished memories from the week. We may have not been able to communicate with the Japanese women who were very loyal Todd fans but they knew every word to every Todd song so we were all on common ground in song. Just a glimpse of Utopia made us even sadder to think that we were leaving the next day.

Toddstock: Saturday 6.21.08

2008-08-06T11:35:00.004-04:00

We had a fairly relaxing morning. Found a store where we could buy souvenirs for friends back home. Chuck found a Hawaiian shirt because he had left his at home. You have to be properly dressed for such an occasion!

That evening there was a pig roast done by cooks on the island who truly knew what they were doing. The vegetarians took off to find a restaurant where there were no animal faces staring at them. Todd’s wife, Michele, was carried around on a surfboard as queen of the luau. She had a huge headdress fit only for a Hawaiian queen or Carmen Miranda. Todd, Michele and their son, Rebop, were gracious with those who wanted to take photos. Todd’s other sons were not able to make it. The Toddstockers had collected money for a sushi table for Todd's birthday and we also celebrated Todd and Michele's anniversary. Both events offically happen on Sunday, June 22nd but it was just the right time to present Todd with a gift. The food was tremendous and the conversation flowed. Prior to the dinner we had been treated with performance by Toddstockers who had learned a Hawaiian dance earlier in the week. They were good sports and gave it their best shot but should leave it to the locals.

That evening there was a Todd trivia game with extremely difficult questions. They knew these were hardcore Todd fans so easy questions would be a no brainer. These questions were so difficult that Todd may have not been able to answer some. The prize was an autographed can of Spam. Yes, Spam! Spam has been an island staple for a long time and popular among the locals. The vegetarians were not subjected to Spam as an award.

The partying carried on into the night. Most of us were realizing by now that the end was in sight and we were already talking about whose backyard to camp in next.

Toddstock: Friday 6.20.08

2008-08-06T11:11:00.016-04:00

Some folks went tubing instead we took a boat trip to Napali coast with Joanna and Biljac Burnside. We saw several kayakers out in the ocean which made me grateful that our boat had a motor and someone else was driving. The coast has a surreal velvet cover. We could see hikers that were on the trail that Todd and the crew had taken on Wednesday.

Our favorite part of this ride was when the captain took the boat back into a cave. It was dark and you looked down into clear water. Looking back and watching the light come through the opening to the cave is one of my favorite pictures from the trip.

The boat was anchored in the calmest waters that the captain could find and we were able to snorkel. This spot was not nearly as calm as Annini beach, of course, but we were able to adjust to the waves and see some very colorful fish and turtles.

This evening was an interesting Q&A time with Todd. Doug Ford of Rundgren Radio ran the Q&A with Todd at his side. The interview can be heard here. Todd told interesting stories about how Kauai came to be his home and how they acquired the property. If you want to know more about the Q&A time you have to consult Chuck. I camped out in the hotel room with the air conditioning. My apologies to Roger D. Linder - I orginally said that he ran the Q&A but Roger runs the TRConnection which keeps all of us up on any news and tour info about Todd. I told ya Chuck knows alot more about this than I do!

Toddstock: Thursday 6.19.08

2008-08-06T10:53:00.004-04:00

We woke up this morning in a real bed. There was no snoring from others in a nylon walled tent, no red dirt and a hot shower. Well, Chuck woke up. I still had more sleeping to do. That morning Todd led the group on a hike along Napali coast and Chuck was on his own for this event. No one could tell that it was Todd’s 60th birthday by the way he left others in the dust on the hike. The hike was up and downhill so when Chuck rolled in from the hike he looked like it would take him some time to recover. He was covered in red dirt from head to toe and I still can’t get the red dirt out of the socks he wore on the hike. He did say that the views were amazing and he was glad that he did it. I was glad I slept in.

We were treated that evening with a concert by Ken Emerson. He made it in for Todd’s birthday and Todd sat front and center taking in the music from Ken’s guitar. I would have loved to see what would happen if Ken and Todd had played a song together

Then it was back to the martini bar and getting to know more people. Todd wandered through the crowd so if he was around people would gather and listen to his stories. If he wasn’t in the food tent or at Michele’s bar then he was at the Tiki bar making and serving martinis. Such a gracious host.

Toddstock: Wednesday 6.18.08

2008-08-06T10:20:00.008-04:00

We had been to Waimea Canyon on a previous visit to Kauia and knew we wanted to return to this spectacular view. We made the trek with Ronnie, his son, Allen, and Karen. Karen lives in England and is originally from Australia. We loved her quick wit and her comments about being Jewish and looking for a synagogue on Kauia were hilarious. She is also a songwriter although we didn’t get to hear any of her tunes.

Waimea is known as the small Grand Canyon. I’ve not seen the Grand Canyon but the clouds parted long enough for us to see the Napali coast and ocean and provide a view you won't find at the Grand Canyon, of course.

We returned to the campground after buying leis to take part in the house blessing for Todd and Michele's house. It's been under construction for 3 years and when I asked the forman who happened to be sitting next to us one evening when it would be finished he looked at us and said, "Never." Truly a work of art in progress. The roof has curved lines and is covered with copper. The foreman told us that it was constructed on the ground and then attached to the house. Todd's ability to see a vision and then make it happen continued to amaze and inspire me.

Of course, it was a Hawaiian house blessing. The spiritual leader explained as she moved through the blessing the purpose of each part of it and then she spoke in Hawaiian. A tea leaf was planted at each corner of the house to remind them of this day of blessing. We waited outside while the family went inside and spoke words of their intentions for each room of the house. When they were finished the rest of us were invited into the house. When the front door opened the view was breathtaking. We looked straight through the house (because there is no fourth wall on their living room/kitchen) to see the water of the koi pond at the edge of the living floor and look directly out into their valley view. Only an artist could know how to take advantage of such a view. Then each person was permitted to share their words of blessing for the house. Most of the words were beautiful and appropriate. My word was "martini" and it went downhill from there so Todd knew to put a halt and invite people to tour his home. When we are released to share our pics I'll post some of our better ones of the house here.

We had a great dinner that evening and continued to mingle and share in the beverages.

Toddstock: Tuesday 6.17.08

2008-07-30T13:21:00.005-04:00

On Tuesday we went back to Anini Beach but this time we were led by Michele's brother and sister-in-law. They lived on Kauai so they knew where to find the best snorkeling. They led us to some great sites and it had been a long time since we had seen such colorful fish and turtles. Truly helped us remember how much Chuck and I love snorkeling.

Chuck's accordion strap had broke the night before so we knew we were going into town after snorkeling to find a music store. Pippi, Ronnie and his son, Allen, went with us to get some lunch before we hit the music store. Pippi hails from Texas and has a wicked sense of humor and an amazing singing voice. Ronnie is from England and is a true gentleman. We enjoyed getting to know these great people and they will always be a part of what made Toddstock such a once in a lifetime event.

We stopped for photo opps of these amazing taro fields as shown above.

Been Gone Too Long

2008-07-30T13:00:00.003-04:00

I'm back to finish the Toddstock blog. My friends and I had an open house here at my house and we did very well selling jewelry and purses (handmade - not knock-off brands). We had a great turnout and appreciated everyone showing up. Sales were good and so I went on a bead hunt with my friend, Cortney, who makes beautiful, contemporary jewelry. I have replenished my stock and am beading again. We will probably go to a bead show this weekend at Sharonville Convention Center but no more buying after that - only selling! Cortney and I have promised to not let each other spend any more on beads cause we're beadaholiques! Cyndi, who makes amazing fabric purses, Cortney and I will probably be at the September Days Arts and Crafts Market on September 13th at the Village Green in Fairfield. Hope to see you there!

Toddstock: Monday 6.16.08

2008-07-07T08:04:00.003-04:00

We continued to meet some great people. Chuck and I both have an introverted side to our temperament and so it takes a great deal of energy for us to small talk. Not so here. Todd/music was the common denominator so any question such as, “How many times have you seen Todd in concert?” was an immediate conversation starter. We realized pretty quickly that we were amateurs compared to the people who had seen him 60 or 70 times. There was a noncompetitive spirit about the camp so we were still welcomed even with the handful of times that we had actually seen Todd. Chuck has played Todd’s music whenever possible in bands and even in worship in churches.

We met a beautiful lady named Mary who came to camp by herself. Her husband has an aggressive form of MS and he was gracious enough to give her the gift of this week. She struck me as a devoted caregiver in much need of this time to recharge her spirit. She has physical problems herself (as most of us did since this wasn’t a Woodstock generation) and she was so filled with energy from other people and being near Todd and Michele. Her story touched our hearts and I continue to ask the source of love to be very kind to her.

I met a lady, Mary Ann and her husband, Larry. He is 67 and I didn't catch her age. Mary Ann had only discovered Todd’s music six months ago and was consumed by it. She had printed off the words to songs and had compiled them in a notebook. It was one of the things she asked Todd to sign for her. She really resonated with his words. One of his songs, The Last Ride, came through the speakers and tears started rolling down her face. The words spoke to her at such a deep level that the only way to describe the connection is to call it spiritual. Even though our ages were not that far apart I still found that she was very inspiring to me because I hope I always look for those things that speak to my heart. The concert on Sunday was the first concert of Todd’s that she had actually seen live. She and her husband enjoyed it immensely. They were the ones who had brought Todd the walking stick which he carried during the hike. They also brought jewelry for Michele and I think it was the night of the Luau that she wore their gift.

There were so many great people – I can only name a few as I blog about this event. I just kept saying during the week – of all the places to be on the earth at this time – this was the place to be. It was simultaneously surreal and, yet, very centered. Very difficult to explain but the people who were there know what I mean.

Day 3 was the day we went looking for a different extension cord for Chuck’s sleep apnea machine that he was using in the tent. Most of us were of a mature age which required an electrical box in the tent that housed the camping tents because of the number of people using CPAP machines. Michele referred to us as a Papper colony - better than being a leper colony! Chuck discovered that the CPAP machine has a dual purpose – was great for blowing up air mattresses!

Toddstock: Sunday 6.15.08

2008-07-03T12:56:00.005-04:00

Chuck and I took off on our own to check out the snorkeling at Annini Beach. Beautiful, clear water. We didn't find much in the way of snorkeling but when we went with the group on Tuesday we saw turtles and all kinds of fish. Michele Rundgren's brother and sister-in-law led the group and knew exactly where to direct us to the fish.

Camping

2008-07-01T12:30:00.004-04:00

We have not camped for at least 20 years so it was a test. With the air mattresses it really wasn't bad. What was bad was the snoring. I had wax earplugs and could still hear it. Of course, I'm sure they heard my snoring and coughing as well. The majority of the tents were under one huge tent like they use for events so we were really close together. So, at night, Toddstock turned into a snore fest. We lasted 5 days and 4 nights in the tent and then mutually decided if we were to have the best experience possible that we needed more rest. The hotel room was small but looked huge compared to the tent and the bed and shower looked even better. There were outdoor showers at the camp and you could look up and see the Hawaiian sky - when you looked up you hardly noticed the cold water. Trading hot water for cold still ended up feeling like a true luxury.

Camping in Kauai is probably under some of the best circumstances possible. Lower humidity and cool breezes at night. We just got tired of the red dirt that permeated everything. Chuck did like the red hue of the dirt on his green khaki shorts but that was about all we could tolerate. I imagine we'll be finding red dirt for quite awhile.

The Burnsides

2008-06-27T16:15:00.005-04:00

We connected with a great couple, Biljac and Joanna Burnside, who were on the same flight from Denver to Kauai and needed a ride from the airport. We stopped by Sears to pick up their tent and get stuff that we still needed like chairs and beach towels. We had borrowed a tent and had three suitcases so by the time we got everything in the SUV we still had to tie some luggage on top (thanks to Biljac).

Biljac had cooked for a football team at Old Miss years ago and volunteered those cooking skills for breakfast and dinner times. He knew what he was doing in the kitchen and we were grateful for it. Joanna was usually at his side cleaning and organizing. They made a great team. Biljac owns two businesses - he teaches Karate and tunes pianos. Joanna teaches piano at Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College. They live in Hattiesburg, Mississippi with their cat, Nudge. I'm so glad I didn't do anything to tick Joanna off during the week - I'm sure Biljac has earned numerous awards for his Karate skills but he also informed me that Joanna has been the state champion seven times for their particular style of Karate. Those southern women are velvet covered steel!

The cup in my hand was my cup for the week because the Rundgrens strive to be environmentally friendly. They also used biodegradable cups and utensils made out of corn. I kept watching my martini served to me by Todd himself that he had been poured into a "corn" cup and just waiting for the vodka to melt right through it!

Part 2 of the Accordion Story

2008-06-27T16:05:00.004-04:00

Apparently, Todd heard about the accordion riding in first class because just before he autographed it he asked Chuck, "How's your marriage?" Chuck's reply, "We're probably looking into many years of intense therapy."

I would show you the photo of Todd autographing the accordion but we signed an agreement that we would not post pictures or send them through the internet until Todd releases us to do so. I'm sure there is a dvd of the events around his 60th birthday that will be available for purchase and given the amount of money that was spent on that week (i.e. vodka for martinis and kegs of beer for Michele's bar), he deserves to earn every dime of it!

The Journey to Toddstock: Saturday 6.14.08

2008-06-27T00:36:00.007-04:00

The journey began to Todd and Michele Rundgren's home on Kauai on June 14th. Chuck had to take his digital accordion, of course, so he had called ahead to make sure that it would fit in the overhead storage - no gate check for this baby. They reassured him that the accordion would fit. On the first leg of the journey we flew from Cincinnati to Denver and the plane was small. There was no way the accordion would fit in the overhead storage. The stewardess was very accomodating and reassured Chuck that she would find a seat for it. Probably due to the weight of the instrument she put it in the nearest seat possible which was FIRST CLASS. Yes, look at the picture again and you will be able to see for yourself that the accordion is sitting in first class. And where did the wife sit? In economy, of course! I had to pretend that I was upset because I did think it was hilarious. I did ask the waitress for the accordion's drinks and lunch. Apparently, it likes foreign beers. Fortunately, she enjoyed playing along with the joke.

Yes, it's hilarious but, at the same time, there is something so wrong with this picture - especially for such a long flight!

Rudy, the Metrosexual Dog

2008-06-11T09:24:00.009-04:00

I suspect he's metrosexual. Caught him working out in exercise clothes. He like this particular one piece because of the amount of chest hair that's revealed. He's so vain. He bites his nails if they get too long before I can trim them. The crunching sound is weird until you realize it's him chewing on his nails. He grooms the other dog's ears and eyes once a day. They have a regular routine - I think she makes an appointment.

I can ask to see his eyes and he looks at me to wipe them. I can also ask to see his teeth and he lets me raise his lips to look even though it messes up his lip gloss. He especially appreciates when I ask to look into his ears because that's what he likes to groom on the other dog. He's so high maintenance.

I caught him walking out of the room for an appointment - something about getting his eyebrows waxed.

The Bluebird of Happiness

2008-06-08T10:51:00.004-04:00

My lovely friend, Cyndi Nabors, was patient enough with me to actually take me to the fabric store and let me pick out this beautiful batik fabric. She then went on to amaze me with her sewing skills and made this purse and wallet by the next day. Very talented lady. I love all the pockets on the outside and all SEVEN pockets on the inside - no more digging for stuff at the bottom of the purse where most stuff lands. I love the wallet because it is light weight and can easily be picked up to run into a store instead of dragging the whole purse. She even named the design after me - the Deb bag. Now when the purse gets really old I can call it Deb, the old bag.

You can visit Cyndi's blog about her handiwork at Bluebirdswing. Her purses are well designed, durable and washable. She and I are having an open house at my house on July 12th from 11 am to 4 pm. Stop by for browsing and refreshments.

Me Camping? Stop Laughing!

2008-05-16T10:18:00.002-04:00

Yep, I'm going camping and you would too if you were going with Chuck Wiggins to hang out with his alltime favorite musician. You can read more about it at Chuck's blog, Entering the Noosphere. I encourage you to play the video at the end of the post - Chuck probably looked much like this kid when he was a youngster.

Day 21 Resurrection Stories - Mother's Day

2008-05-11T23:47:00.005-04:00

In these last few minutes left of Mother's Day all I can think is "God, I hate this day." I miss my mother even though she's been gone 12 years. I will never get used to it - I've just tried to adjust to it like a person who has lost a limb. I think the resurrection part of this story has yet to play out. My beliefs tell me that I am separated from her temporarily and I will have eternity to yell at her for not letting us know sooner that she had breast cancer while hugging her for handling it with so much courage.

I also hate this day because I was not able to have children. I was fearful of adoption because of the unknowns. I have great respect and admiration for the people who were not as fearful as I. There have been signs of life as I have grieved the loss of the unborn over the years. I was a teacher for 23+ years and had the priviledge of mothering many children. It took me awhile to understand that there would be children in my life.... just not the way I thought. Even now at 53 I have a friend who has asked me to babysit her three boys once or twice a week this summer. What a wonderful arrangement - I get to hang out with them and then send them back! It's a gift to be trusted with someone else's children. It gives me hope that I might have been a decent mom if I had been able to have my own.

Day 20 Resurrection Stories: Solomon Lee

2008-05-07T12:08:00.005-04:00

Yes, I know I'm on story 20 and Ascension Day was May 1st and Pentecost Day is May 11th. So I have reached half of my goal and still want to hang in there with reflecting on finding those stories of new life. It is a spiritual discipline for me given my temperament and fatigue. It gives me hope and in sharing we can carry a small bit of hope to others.

So, for Story 20 I want to share a poem written by Solomon Lee who is ten years old. He is the first child in the pic. The pic was taken over a year ago so he's even more handsome now. Please read his poem and see if you agree with me that minds and hearts like Solomon's can revive new life in the midst of what we hear in the media. This is in his spelling, punctuation, etc. Makes my teacher heart flutter!

Why Fear?

Why fear the bully,
Or writing from scratch
Why fear those
Who think rap isn’t crap?
Yes, you can fear the massacre,
The mystery
The immigrants.
But why fear the stupid people
The goray, grotesque facts of life
Like the old age Christans being devoured by lions
Fear can be blissful,
Like a horror movie (too freaky for me.)
But don’t be scared of hell threats,
Fatigue and cancer you shouldn’t fear
But be cautious in life
Don’t fear, you shouldn’t
For I fear humanity
It doesn’t feel good, trust me
For I’m Solomon Lee!

Day 19 Resurrection Stories: Deconstructing Rituals

2008-04-24T15:54:00.002-04:00

We had an interesting discussion around rituals in our group. There is honor and respect for the rituals that exist and, at the same time, the desire to be creators of our own. We began the evening with what may become a birthday ritual. It was Kelly’s birthday and we wrote on post it notes the characteristics that we see and appreciate in her. Then Bob, her husband, got to put the post it notes on her. She was covered in words of affirmation and blessing. We described her with words such as “kind” and “caring.” These words don’t show up in the daily news and are becoming rarer all the time. I had done this activity in a small group study a few years ago and after the activity we came to the conclusion that we don’t hear the affirming words nearly as much as the critical ones – either from ourselves or outside of us. As far as I’m concerned a ritual as simple as being intentional about affirmation can replace any of those in the church that seem to focus on our sin.

Of course, one could really have fun creating new rituals. I like the ritual of sharing Graeter’s strawberry chip – a most holy and reverent moment. Amen.

Day 18 Resurrection Stories: Deconstructing Worship

2008-04-24T10:52:00.004-04:00

We’re trying something new in our small band of believers. Each of us is bringing a “God Sighting” to worship in any way we choose. Our “tribe” will share the stories of where the Spirit is moving in and among us. Worship is naming those places where God has made Him/Her self known and returning our gratitude for the Presence.

So we’re letting go of worship being done for us and we’re allowing ourselves to be immersed as active participants. If the evening together becomes filled with worship maybe we’ll find that we have fewer questions to discuss. Who knows? Well worth the try.

Day 17 Resurrection Stories: Deconstructing Prayer

2008-04-23T10:00:00.004-04:00

Our community group talked the last time we met about the role of prayer during our time together. We had an open and honest discussion about how prayer has played out in each of our own lives. It was obvious that all of us have spent much time sincerely talking to God in our own ways. We’ve prayed in forms from ACTS (adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication) to simply, “God help me.”

I have found in my own journey with prayer that I have no problem being in an ongoing dialogue with God. We came into the world with an open line to the I Am and we’ll move through eternity with the same organic openness. I know I am the weakest link in the conversation. Can I trust what I think I’ve heard God communicating to me? I was on a path to ordination but, obviously, I got that wrong. I thought I wasn’t retiring but moving from one career path to another. I have had to deconstruct the whole notion of prayer because of getting such crucial decisions wrong and the impact this has had on my faith. Don’t get me wrong, ultimately this has not been a bad thing.

So I have completely different expectations of prayer at this stage of my spiritual life. I may still ask for direction regarding decisions to be made but I spend much more time in listening and asking for direction regarding how to just be. I find prayer to be the place where life gets centered, focused and true. K. in our community group suggested that we sit in silence with each other. I welcome this opportunity because it is much more powerful to sit with others in a centering prayer or a guided mediation then to be filling the air with requests that we know the answers to if we are asking God to show us how to be in the world.

Prayer can take on new life if we’re learning to pray out of a servant heart. Some prayer habits need to die. It’s okay.

Day 16 Resurrection Stories: Waking Up

2008-04-08T13:41:00.004-04:00

Waking up each morning is just one of the millions of ways that the Christ theme of resurrection is woven into the very fabric of our being. We get another day, sixteen hours of new life so we can take another shot at trying to figure out how to be in this world. I need a nap just thinking about it.

Day 15 Resurrection Stories: Daffodils

2008-04-07T13:44:00.005-04:00

I know, I know. Flowers in the spring are the most obvious symbol of resurrection. But when you think about how they lie dormant and take the cold temperatures, rain and snow - especially the snow this past winter - and yet they return year after year. It's more than a symbol - it's a gift that gives one hope just when you think winter is never going end.

Day 4 – 14 Resurrection Stories

2008-04-06T20:27:00.004-04:00

Obviously, I am behind in writing 40 days post resurrection stories. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t been searching for those places where new life is occurring. I look for it every day. As I said at the beginning of this endeavor, Lent provides us with more than ample time to focus on dying and I find this theme is prevalent in our own lives through our own experiences/conversations and media. Post Easter is the Easter season and I find that we really have to be in the present and look with new eyes for those stories of new life, reconciliation, and, yes, even miracles.

So, I am going to play catch-up today and I know no one will read all of this because I have 11 days of the 40 to catch up on. It’s entirely for my own self-discipline. So, this is one long post for you to skim, if you’re interested.

Day 14: Resurrection Stories: The Kite Runner

This story may take up more than one post here. There are some very rich lines regarding redemption. One that really resonated with me was the line spoken by Rahim Kahn which was “There is a way to be good again.” He says this to Amir to encourage him to help Hassan’s son escape Afghanistan and finally redeem himself. Amir is the main character and had a very close relationship with Hassan. I won’t go into story details just in case you haven’t read the book or still haven’t seen the movie.

If you choose, there is a way to be good again no matter what – is that not the message of the resurrection? There is nothing beyond the work of grace. There is always available a better version of who we are. If our story gets stuck and hyper focused on death and sin then we have great difficulty moving toward that better version. The Christ story is a complete story of life, death and new life. There are times that people hurt us or that we hurt others so deeply that we have to forgive them because they truly don’t comprehend what they’re doing, they don’t understand how much pain they have caused. For some reason, they (or we) aren’t capable or choose not to read the situation through a different filter. All anyone can do is ask God to forgive them because they don’t know what they’re doing. You turn the pain loose and wait for new life. Sometimes it’s three days, sometimes it’s a lifetime of waiting. But there is always a way to be good again.

Day 13 Resurrection Stories: The Kite Runner

I will continue with another quote from the movie that speaks to the redemption theme. The quote is “For you, a thousand times over." This is said by Hassan to his friend, Amir, as he retrieves the winning kite that would help Amir earn his father's praises.

A thousand times over – unconditional love that transforms. Amir was forever influenced by his friend’s words to the point that he even risked his own life in the end. I can’t say much more then that without giving too much of the story away.

I’ve never met a “Hassan” and I’ve never been a “Hassan” but I can let these words rest on my heart and pray that they take root.

Day 12 Resurrections Stories: Praying with Beads

A friend of mine, Rev. Tammy Jo Reiser, clued me into a wonderful book called “Praying with Beads: Daily Prayers for the Christian Year” by Nan Lewis Doerr and Virginia Stem Owens. Since I make prayer beads I was delighted to connect my work with this resource. There is a great deal of reading regarding the season of Lent and I am very grateful to find these prayers for the Easter season. At the beginning of Easter season section of this book part of the introduction states:

“During this season we celebrate the Lord’s continuing presence with us on this earth. We know that Christ has promised to be with us through the Holy Spirit and is available to us through prayer.”

There are six weeks of prayers to pray with the beads that truly do celebrate the Lord’s continuing presence with us. Of course these weeks lead up to Ascension Day and then onto Pentecost.

In the second week in Easter this was the prayer for the invitatory bead:

“Everlasting God, you established the new covenant of reconciliation; grant that we who are reborn into the fellowship of Christ’s body may show forth in our lives what we profess by our faith. Amen”

Truly a challenge and yet the hope of all Christ followers.

Day 11: Resurrection Stories: Naked Pastor
David Hayward has a very sharp wit through which he teaches. He is also an artist and this particular work spoke volumes to me.

Day 10: Resurrection Stories: Bob Carlton Post
Bob is one of the most amazing bloggers out there. He provides new and challenging perspectives. This post challenges our vision of post Easter days.

Day 9: Resurrection Stories: Manipulation

The resurrection story was used to manipulate me into accepting Christ as my “Lord and Savior.” I responded to the Christ story out of pure guilt. I went forward during an altar call and my sins were washed away. Apparently, that was all I needed to know. It wasn’t until years later that I began to discover the Christ story of grace…the grace that actually moves us forward toward compassion, justice and mercy.

I don’t believe the purpose of the crucifixion was to manipulate anyone emotionally. I don’t believe that we are to live with the horrendous burden of evangelism. I think the message is conveyed by how we live out the resurrection story one day at a time – one act of grace at a time.

Day 8: Resurrection Stories: The Easter Message

This is an Easter sermon by one of my favorite theologians/authors/women, Joan Chittister.

Day 7: Resurrection Stories: Reconciliation

I’ve been thinking about how much resurrection is reconciliation. Christ reconciled us to God and us to ourselves and to each other. It’s crossing those bridges that have been broken. The bridge doesn’t get crossed by being judgmental, unforgiving, or by being in denial. I don’t see this as such a personal issue as I see it much more about building the Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. I know it happens one person at a time but the ultimate goal is not to reconcile me to God but the world to God…. a much bigger picture then my little world. If we don’t get the big picture then we don’t grasp how crucial the work of reconciliation is in our lives.

If we raised the level of reconciliation to that of how much we focus on sin or self preservation then we might just stumble onto the path of Christ. I am a stumbler who has wrestled with the work of reconciliation. I know there’s something much more powerful about this work than any of our own needs…. as modeled to us by Christ.

Day 6: Resurrection Stories: Spiritual Direction

In the required reading for the training I am using a highlighter like mad. In the book, Spiritual Direction and the Care of Souls, by Gary W. Moon and David G. Benner I found this wonderful quote about the difference between psychotherapy and spiritual direction.

“Psychotherapy is about normal making. Spiritual direction, however, is about abnormal making. For the most part, spiritual directors work with individuals who are already living close to the middle of the normal curve but desire to become abnormal – abnormally loving, peaceful, joyful, abnormally aware of God and the loving presence. In spiritual direction the goal is accompany directees on a journey toward normal kingdom living – far from the center of the world’s normal curve.”

We can look at the life, death, and resurrection of Christ and see that normal was changed forever. Cultural norms, politics, relationships were leveled and a new playing field was established. Normal is not such a good goal anymore.

Day 5: Resurrection Stories: Spiritual Direction

On March 27th and 28th Dave walked us through the steps of discernment process called a clearness committee. A Quaker technique that is very simple, of course, yet very powerful. One person talks about the area in their life where they need discernment. No one else can speak until that person feels they have adequately shared their story. We began with a centering silence. Then each person could ask just one question. This really makes you sort through your list of questions. You can’t give advice, counsel, or instructions which is tough for someone of my temperament type. I know this about myself and will always struggle with it in any discernment situation. After the questions, the person reflects verbally to the group. Then we shared our hopes for this individual.

What I was most impressed with was the movement of heaviness regarding the burden this person was carrying. I felt the heaviness move from the one person carrying it out into the group and the weight of it was diffused. In this particular situation I felt that we were there to help carry the burden for a moment in order to help this person step back and see the situation more clearly. The questions were very helpful and the person had the right to not answer the question. No decisions were made which is very difficult in this age of fast food everything. But for a moment this person was embraced, empowered and heard. That’s all most of us want in any given situation. Please pray for that this person finds new life in this situation - new life that will bless them in the now and the forever.

Day 4: Resurrection Stories: Spiritual Direction

March 27th was the day that I started back into training for three days at the School of Spiritual Direction under the umbrella of Sustainable Faith under the direction of David Nixon. It was good to be back with others on this journey. We have two more sessions between now and June 21st and I already know that I am going to miss this community.

I am beginning to see the parallels between the resurrection story and spiritual direction. Spiritual direction is simply a discernment process in finding new life. It’s finding God’s aim and following that aim toward health and wholeness. It’s finding life and living it to the full. Most people seek a spiritual director because they sense a change is on its way. Something is coming to an end because a new way of being is going to be birthed. A spiritual director is often compared to a midwife. I’ve never known the joy of birthing a child but I find great joy in being part of the soul’s birthing process.

Day 3 Resurrection Story - Via Lucis

2008-03-26T17:41:00.009-04:00

The Stations of the Resurrection are a fairly recent phenomenon. The inception is described in Wikipedia:

In the summer of 1988, Father Sabino Palumbieri, Professor of Anthropology at the Salesian University in Rome, proposed the creation of a new set of stations, centred upon the Resurrection and the events following from it, so as to emphasise the positive, hopeful aspect of the Christian story which, though not absent from the Stations of the Cross, is obscured by their emphasis upon suffering. The first major public celebration of this devotion was in 1990, after which it gained greater currency.

In spite of continuing local variability, there appears nevertheless to be an increasing convergence upon the following as a recognised list of Stations of the Resurrection:
Jesus is raised from the dead
The finding of the empty tomb
Mary Magdalene meets the risen Jesus
Jesus appears on the road to Emmaus
Jesus is known in the breaking of bread
Jesus appears to the disciples in Jerusalem
Jesus gives the disciples his peace and the power to forgive sins
Jesus strengthens the faith of Thomas
Jesus appears by the Sea of Tiberias
Jesus forgives Peter and commands him to
feed his sheep
Jesus commissions the disciples upon the mountain
The Ascension of Jesus
Mary and the disciples wait in prayer
The Holy Spirit descends at Pentecost
Other sources, however, including some recent ones, replace some of these
Stations with others, such as:
The earthquake
The angel appears to the women
Jesus meets the women
Mary Magdalene proclaims the Resurrection to the disciples
Jesus and the beloved disciple
Jesus appears to over five hundred at once
Jesus appears to Saul

I share this because I find the power of the resurrection released in these moments. I find this side of Easter amazingly bright and hopeful. I hope there are others (and I know a few) who would like to take part in creating these incredible moments in experiential worship. Via Crucis leads us through the stations of the cross but Via Lucis (Way of Light) is where Christ intended us to live - in the light.

Day 2 Resurrection Story – 4,000 American Soldiers Dead

2008-03-25T11:32:00.003-04:00

Some resurrection stories move very slowly. No doubt this one will. There is some momentum for this particular story because of the presidential campaign. People are rising up and refusing to believe that war is the answer. They are looking for the leader who can find other ways to solve problems like this other than by killing people. Have we not evolved to the point that we can deal with terrorists without killing innocent people?

It is my prayer that new life will come from this great tragedy. Many of us remember Vietnam and most remember the Desert Storm. Now we have turned to war again. We have enough experience with war that we have witnessed that no one wins when the loss is so great.

I have hope that we’ll insist on a leader who will set us on a new path toward using our minds and hearts instead of our fists. Then the death will not be in vain because we will have moved closer toward the kingdom come, God’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven. There will be a new way of life out of the pit of war.

Look at this photo made up of faces of soldiers and then choose your leader.

Day 1 Resurrection Story – Laughter

2008-03-24T12:39:00.002-04:00

I’ve let go of the notion from childhood churches that resurrection or new life was brought into the world by Christ. I am more inclined to believe that the possibility of new life has always been present and will be for all time. From the beginning the earth was filled with signs and wonders pointing toward life after death and Christ crystallized the hope that it was true.

Yesterday, Chuck and I sat at a table with friends who are family. While death has touched all of our lives we have still found a way to come to the table with each other and find new life. The evidence of that new life was laughter.

We laughed at how the Wiggins’ are verbally challenged. I asked them in all seriousness if they wanted tofu nut coffee to which the silent reaction and looks on their faces should have told me something. Then I realized that we actually had toffee nut coffee which sounded much more appetizing. Chuck shared his story of reading that Lara Flynn Boyle is dyslexic and then thinking that must be why she’s so thin. We laughed at the South Park episode explaining the connection between the Easter Bunny and Jesus dying on the cross. Jeff brought colored eggs so he must have already known about the secret Hare Club for Men. We tried to watch the movie Enchanted and laughed at how each of us struggled to stay awake after enjoying all that wonderful food together.

Laughter is my mother’s legacy. The most laughter I’ve ever heard was at her funeral. The thing that made her happy was making others laugh. She had found a way to bring balance to all the pain in her life. It was her coping mechanism and how she found beauty in the ashes. As I spoke to individuals in the receiving line at the visitation for her, I could also hear people down the line telling stories of something funny that she had done or said. Even at her own funeral she gifted all of us with the experience of laughing in the midst of our great loss. We could go on because she had shown us how to laugh in the face of death. Life wins.

I imagine there was some laughter after Jesus returned from the dead. Laughter is the result of an unexpected outcome. There must have been laughter that gave way to joy because the unexpected outcome of life after death, resurrection not resuscitation, had been held up, for once and all, as truth.

40 Days Post Easter

2008-03-19T23:45:00.006-04:00

My early memories of Easter revolved around Easter Sunday only. Sometimes there was a new dress, hat and shoes to sport on Easter morning. We usually attended the dreaded cantata if my mom happened to be in the choir. We always found our way to the Easter egg hunt at my grandfather’s church. He was one of the members of the church who would hide the eggs. I was very young but I remember holding his hand as we walked around during the egg hunt and he would kick the eggs out into the open for me to find. Yes, my grandfather and I had a scam going on and we made a great team. I didn’t find the egg with the big money prize. Grandfather was consumed with the faith that he found late in life and so he had to draw the line somewhere.

I didn’t grow up with the practice of Lent. It has been in the past few years that I have come to understand the spiritual significance of Mardi Gras (who would with the emphasis on parades and beads), the ashes on the forehead, the stations of the cross or Maundy Thursday services. These traditions and more were new to me and rich in meaning because I didn’t have years of practice that could have possibly desensitized me to these traditions. My contemplative nature felt perfectly comfortable with the reflection and confession focus of Lent. I helped others experience the darkness leading up to Easter in the different ways that I prepared the altar/stage area for Easter services. I remember winding branches filled with thorns to make a crown of thorns that would hang on the cross. I wept as I made the crown wondering what it was like for the person who had actually made the crown of thorns for Christ. What was their experience? Did they ever come to the full realization of what they had taken part in? Did that person ever experience the message of grace?

Even with the depth that experiencing Lent carried me to it still didn’t take many years before I began to not look forward to it. It was in theology class that I began to understand why. My professor, Ty Inbody, tried to keep his own views to himself but when pushed to share his own theology he did it in two words: death and resurrection. I understood then why 40 days of Lent were too much for me because the focus was significantly on death. The joy and celebration of the resurrection was given one day and then Easter was gone in a moment.

I want and I need 40 days post Easter filled with resurrection stories. I want to think about how my time with my grandfather will be resurrected one day. I want to remember how my grandfather was consumed with his faith and how my grandmother had to keep an eye on him or he would give away everything they owned. I want to figure out how to give eggs filled with prize money to the children who need it. I want to know that a crown of thorns can be a catalyst for transformation.

I want to hear all the ways that death is not the end – but the beginning.

Community

2008-03-05T10:04:00.006-05:00

Our small group met last night and, in the midst of watching the primary results, came to the consensus that we prefer to call ourselves a community group instead of a small group. The term "community" reflects more of a way of being together. We had a few minutes of conversation around the identity of our community and arrived at the following:

Our priority is on building relationships and providing support to each other.

We value time spent in discussion in a more organic manner vs. programming.

We seek ministry projects to pursue separately and together.

We want music and other forms of expression.

We want our discussions to be guided by questions that come from our community.

We want to rotate the leadership of the discussions.

We want to pursue the purpose of prayer in our community.

We want each person to check in periodically when we meet so we can be more transparent with each other.

We love the evenings that are just for fun.

We'll always find ourselves around a dinner table and enjoying good food.

We tossed around exploring books like the one I have mentioned in previous posts, Pagan Christianity. I also threw out the thought of discussing the similarities and differences between a Christian and a disciple as mentioned in this blog under the second point. We talked about discussing our views of the Holy Spirit. It was also mentioned that we need think about how we could be intentional about reaching out to those who visit our group.

The next time we meet will be on March 18th. We are going to dinner and then to Via Crucis. I highly encourage you to visit this immersion into the stories of the Stations of the Cross. It allows each individual to experience the stories again in their own way. You are welcome to join us or check the schedule and go when you can.

On-line Counseling

2008-03-04T16:52:00.009-05:00

Thank you for your patience while I have my own on-line counseling session here. Yesterday I added a "My Type" application on my Facebook page and took the temperament test again. The first time I took it many years ago I was an INFP but the last two times I have taken it over the years I have moved more toward an INFJ. I thought I was always more of a J because I remember going to stores as a child with my mom and straightening up shelves while she shopped.

Interestingly enough, after reading this description of an INFJ I realized that I don't need to be blamed for anything - it is just my nature to do that before anyone else does it to me. This is the part of the description that explains that:

INFJs, when scorned, take it personally and retreat inward. They may obsess about the relationship and their role in its failure. One INFJ explained, 'people can do the most outrageous things, yet I blame myself for triggering their behaviour or not recognizing it. I see myself as responsible for relationships. Other people can dismiss them --- I'm not able to.' INFJs may blame themselves and experience a period of mourning. If they do not marshall their resources, externalized their feelings, and take risks to move on, they may experience a long periods of self-examination.

That explains why blaming me and not unpacking the problem together is so devastating to me or any INFJ. I am in mourning - but, hopefully, this reminder will help me not get stalled out here. I took a risk and co-led a staff retreat for St. Raphael Social Services where my sister is an outreach nurse. I thought about backing out of it many times but it felt good to be in front of people again, especially reminding these wonderful people that they are picking up the "servant towel" every day and their lives will be blessed for answering their calling.

Paralyzed

2008-02-28T19:27:00.005-05:00

These days I find myself wanting to move toward working again but I am frozen with fear. The only thing I’m sure of is that I will not be moving toward a church any time soon, if ever. The last church dealt with my stepping down from a position that I truly hoped would eventually become a staff position by avoiding any frustrations that I voiced and then, in one final blow, told me point blank that I stepped down because it was my pattern and that it was a good thing that I left when I did. No wonder people are moving away from organized religion as recent articles have stated. We go to church hoping to find others who are seeking ways to live out their faith instead of resorting to crushing generalizations. Mediation was offered but why would I step into mediation if everything was already my fault? Why take another chance of being blamed for everything?

Previously, I had years of encouraging spiritual formation through programming. I was always surveying small group material and trying to find the best teaching videos because people had such little time for prep. They would grow if I found the right study guide and a video to put in their hand. Now I know (and Willow Creek Church has confessed after a thorough study) that spiritual formation cannot be programmed. Information is wonderful and vital but people need to experience authentic relationships committed to love and community in order to experience the gospel.

Our small group has kept the focus on getting to know each other and laughing together while doing things like watching “Napoleon Dynamite” and eating tater tots. We have no programming but have had great discussions. We are building community and genuinely like/love each other. I have no doubt that if someone voiced a frustration that the entire group would give their time and energy toward dealing with it. That doesn’t happen in a church. Focus is on the task, the event, the numbers, the publicity, and so on… with little energy left on the intentional focus of working through disagreements. I know there are exceptions in churches and it is not as black and white as I am describing it here. I’m just sharing my own personal experience in more than one church.

I know some people think we left because we wanted our way with how things were done on Sunday mornings. The truth is that we would have never joined in the first place and encouraged others to join if we had been told from the beginning how Sunday mornings were really going to go. We were very clear about our hopes and dreams for a church that drew in others already disillusioned by their past experiences. Now we stand outside with the rest of the disillusioned and hold out hope that somehow it’s still possible to find ways to love God and love each other.

Bodies – The Exhibition

2008-02-18T00:34:00.003-05:00

Chuck and I along with our friend, Emily, took off on Saturday to visit “Bodies, The Exhibition” at the Cincinnati Museum Center. There were so many people that the parking lot was filled and Chuck had to park on a street next to the museum.

We have seen other exhibits at the museum but none has ever made an impact like this one on me. I moved from display to display with the words “fearfully and wonderfully made.” The design and interdependence of each system spoke of an “otherness” to me. I can still see the “skeleton” of just the arteries, veins and capillaries of the body from head to toe. Yes, capillaries which were an amazing mesh of red strings. We were also taken by the “map” of the central nervous system laying out the main nerves that run from the brain to the limbs. I am way past experiencing a childlike awe that comes from a new discovery but these exhibits threw me back to that feeling. Its one thing to look at a diagram in a book or a model but its surreal to actually see the reality of what lies under your own skin mirrored in front of you.

There was a section of the exhibit that contained different stages of fetuses. There was a warning and an exit so you entered this section by choice. I don’t regret going through that section because it only confirmed my stance against abortion. Of course, I do acknowledge the gray areas like the 10 year old who just delivered a baby as a result of rape. But this exhibit is yet another tool that reveals that life is visible in a matter of days.

Then there’s the ethical question of whether or not these bodies should have been used in this way. We did not see the special on 20/20 about the exhibit but Chuck had taped it. We weren't aware of the articles such as this one from ABC News. We watched the 20/20 segment later that day and debated whether or not we would have gone. Chuck is sure he would not have and I am still on the fence. As a teacher I saw it as one of the best teaching tools that I have ever seen. I really have a desire to take much better care of myself than I do. I don’t smoke but there were lungs of a smoker next to a plexiglass case where several people had dropped their packs of cigarettes after viewing the black lungs. I could see this giving the younger generation a new regard for their bodies and some even encouraged to pursue a career in a medical field. I can only hope that these people were treated with dignity and respect. I suspect that was not always the case. It was apparent that there was a reverence and respect around each body as people spoke in whispers and refrained from touching what is now plastic. Hopefully, these bodies will bring honor to the souls that once rested in them.

Inside My Head

2008-02-12T10:20:00.001-05:00

Miami Hamilton Downtown provided a great venue for “Inside My Head” this past Monday evening despite the threat of the “Great White Death” by the weatherman. The program consisted of original music by Bekka Eaton, Assistant Professor of theatre at Miami Hamilton. Bekka is a professional actress who knows how to use her incredible voice much like a well played musical instrument. She spent years as a performance artist which is obvious as you watch her transform into the character telling their story through song. Each song becomes a one act play and you find yourself interacting with that character as opposed to passively watching a musical performance. You feel something.

Bekka is part of the band, R~U~Us, along with Chuck Wiggins who played brilliantly, I must say, and I’m not just saying that because we’re married. I am also proud and amazed by the arranging he did of these pieces and his creation of musical charts for other instruments such as the cello. This was a new musical stretch for him and it worked. Of course, Big Red, the digital accordion made a couple of appearances to our delight.

Janet Metter, the beautiful cellist player, (a beautiful lady and a beautiful cello player) is such a wonderful addition to Bekka’s music and R~U~Us. I was telling Janet that the cello really connected with the intensity of the song lyrics. It gave voice to the depth of meaning. I don’t think I could hear the songs without the cello now.

Steve Metter, “the Sleeve”, is a really cool guy (and husband of Janet) and he looks even cooler when he’s playing the bass in R~U~Us. Steve is a serious bass player with a great sense of humor - wonderful combination during a tense music practice. Just ask Steve to explain the meaning of the word “coda.”

Yvan Verbesselt, the drummer, has been our friend for years. It has been amazing to watch the process of Yvan stretching himself from playing the zydeco washboard to a full drum kit. He has come a long way and continues to accept each musical challenge as it comes along. Of course, he has the help of his beautiful wife, Martine, whom we are grateful to have a long friendship with as well. You can catch Yvan with the Cajun band, Lagniappe.

I sang back-up vocals on a few songs. I think I hit the right notes somewhere in the 50% range. Next time I’m going for 75%! Not to make excuses but I have had problems with my throat this winter and have recently found relief with a nasal spray and Prilosec. Apparently, I’ve had enough acid reflux to create a mild asthmatic cough which kept my throat constantly irritated. Who knew?

Anyway, it was unfortunate that the weather kept some away but I hope more performances are to come and you get another chance. The combination of these wonderful musicians with a vocalist who has performance running through her veins is not to be missed. In this day and age of pop vocalists achieving celebrity status you have to shake your head and wonder why? Bekka revives my hope that someday we’ll lose the “American Idol” image of instant celebrity and support those who have earned their stripes and have the pipes!

You can catch Bekka at the HamSlam at Miami Hamilton Downtown. You can also catch some of us at Creativa (formerly known as the FreeSlam) at Tanze Performing Arts Studio in Fairfield.

Hope = Vote

2008-02-04T00:10:00.000-05:00

I've Been Book Memed

2008-02-03T11:32:00.000-05:00

I've been tagged by my husband, Chuck, to do the following:

Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. (No cheating!)
Find Page 123.
Find the first 5 sentences.
Post the next 3 sentences.
Tag 5 people.

The book that is almost touching my computer is "Pagan Christianity? Exploring the Roots of Our Church Practices" by Frank Viola and George Barna. I mentioned this book in a previous post.

(He's discussing the common terms for clergy in the fourth century....) So did "Master of Ceremonies," and "Grand Master of the Lodge." All of this reinforced the mystique of the clergy as the custodians of the mysteries of God. In short, by the end of the fourth century on into the fifth, the clergy had become a sacerdotal caste - a spiritually elite group of "holy men."

I know I'm breaking the rules but my eyes hit this quote and I can't let it go. On the previous page there was a quote by Karl Barth: "The term 'laity' is one of the worst in the vocabulary of religion and ought to be banished from the Christian conversation." I'll just let that speak for itself.

And I tag Cortney and Kevin because Chuck tagged the other bloggers I know.

Spiritual Direction Training

2008-01-29T12:51:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I began spiritual director training led by David Nixon through Sustainable Faith. I have looked for this training for a few years now but location always seemed to be a barrier. This is in Norwood which means that I can easily drive back and forth. The location and timing are a blessing.

I have always been intrigued by the process of spiritual direction because, unlike counseling, the goal is to help a person discern the answers that lie between God and that person. A spiritual director is there to listen, notice, and guide with tools such as prayer and spiritual disciplines. I have always resonated with the Quaker notion of “inner teacher” described by Parker Palmer in his book, Hidden Wholeness. Your path is something that only God and you can pave together. Some may call this inner voice the Holy Spirit.

I chose this design by Jeff Nabors because it is a striking visualization of spiritual direction. The cross represents the truth of the matter. The designs around the cross represent the many barriers we have to wade through to get to that truth whether those barriers are spiritual, physical or emotional. A spiritual director focuses on the spiritual, encourages physical care (which I’m much in need of myself) and will direct a person toward counseling if they detect that a person is stuck in an emotional area. We come alongside to help another person maneuver through the barriers in order to move toward a more authentic version of their life. It’s a safe place where one listens and the other is truly heard which moves both toward the center/cross.

I love the honesty of this role because I can’t even pretend to have any answers for someone else. But I can walk with another seeker and together we can search for those answers. The title “spiritual director” bothers me a bit. I think the directee’s inner teacher/Holy Spirit is much more in the role of director than I.

It will be interesting to see if my thoughts change over the course of this training….

Church/Worship Conversation Continued

2008-01-23T16:12:00.000-05:00

Our discussion regarding church continued with new faces around the room. A reference was made to the book, Pagan Christianity, by Frank Viola and George Barna. This book allows us to explore the roots of our church practices and not assume that these traditions are biblically based. For example, a participant in our discussion pointed out that the early church consisted of meetings instead of a service. People were expected to bring something to the conversation and it was not a passive event. Our conversation came back to the point that the current intent of the church is to engage people in worship and spiritual formation which works for many while some find that, over time, they have become less engaged. Again, different gathering points are needed because people are at different points in living out their faith.

This particular band of believers is in agreement that a missional focus defines our faith. Discussing theological issues is helpful in the sense that we can examine how we approach the community. Otherwise, there is a restlessness to be out there and doing which makes talking about it feel like a contradiction. As it said on the many reports cards that I filled out over the years, “Uses time wisely”, talking doesn’t seem like the best use of our time any more.

We ventured into the topic of worship and agreed that worship takes place in a corporate setting and is also an ongoing individual experience. Revelation comes out of both. Individual worship allows us to look at life as an act of worship. We are often surprised by what moves us toward the sacred. No doubt, there will be some in our group who will have a very worshipful experience at the U2 3D movie coming up soon. Worship is always close to us. As a wise sage in our group pointed out the paradox of worship is that in focusing on God we are also getting in touch with the deepest part of ourselves. In finding God, we find us.

We look forward to the next meeting where we'll hear about ways to serve at St. Raphael in Hamilton. My sister is an outreach nurse there and this had been her vocation and ministry for many years.

The Practicing Church

2008-01-14T12:04:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: this is my vision for the church and does not necessarily reflect the views of anyone else in my family or small group.

I understand why churches went the seeker sensitive direction. I know the purpose in being more culturally relevant and all that. The music became contemporary (although the style is still about ten years behind) and the message became more like an Oprah or Dr. Phil show with some proof texting (little or no regard for the context of scripture).

I actually enjoyed this shift (not the proof texting part) having grown up in traditional church settings. In this new model we were freed from hymnals, choir robes and condemnation. But even with the welcomed changes, the novelty began to wear off over time. The worship allowed for praise and celebration but rarely, if ever, made room for pain or grief of any kind. Worship is always in a musical form and so people have not been taught to associate the sacred with any other art forms. This is a sin in itself because it has limited how we are guided to God. I believe all artistic forms were created in order to bring us into sacred space.

The seeker sensitive direction was implemented so people would not feel uncomfortable. The hope was that they would have such a positive experience that they would want to come back. That intent left us with a religious group of people minus the spiritual practices. That left no room for those of us who waited before each communion to see if there was any opportunity for people to reconcile with each other before taking the elements. My personal desire for such moments is not spiritually motivated as much as just wanting to experience the deep psychological and emotional affect that the practice of forgiveness could have on a community. I would even welcome small moments of silence to think if I had offended anyone (no doubt, I had) with encouragement to plan when and how I was going to made amends. Yes, this is very uncomfortable but placing the focus on healing and restoration is the basis of community building.

A church or community that practices their faith is not Church Lite. This is for those who want something more than what happens on a Sunday morning. These are not people who need a sermon. These are people who can dialogue and teach each other. They need a “guide on the side” and not the “sage on the stage.” These are people who can handle questioning and know you can’t program spirituality. They can hang in there with people who don’t believe exactly as they do because it doesn’t threaten their faith.

Planning and implementation of a gathering of people seeking spirituality and not religion would take work and the actual gathering would probably happen once a month. Meeting once a month would be enough because these people have their own spiritual practices that keep bringing them back to the Center. They would welcome accountability and have found ways to be held accountable to others through their family or a small group. They prefer to spend their time in actual service in the community or to their own family depending on their circumstances. Some may choose to serve on a Church Lite Sunday morning because both types of gatherings are needed.

I know changes were made with the hope of bringing people into the church. But as many of us began to deconstruct and reconstruct our faith and truly make it our own, we have moved beyond Sunday morning. Church Lite has a revolving door and there are vast numbers of us moving through it.

What is Church?

2008-01-11T09:59:00.000-05:00

Our small group began the new year with a discussion of the question "What is church?". We acknowledged the revolving door effect. When I was part of a church staff I remember asking if anyone had ever tracked the people who had come through the door and didn't come back. There didn't seem to be any interest in tracking that number or asking those people why they moved on. I wondered if the follow-up would let people know that they did not exit without being seen and if that acknowledgment would imply that the church was about people instead of numbers.

Our past experiences had taught us that the church was more about what happens on the inside. Time and resources were used to serve themselves. We expanded that thought to acknowledge that an inward focus did nurture the people but the purpose of the nurturing was to move out and nurture others.

We discussed the purpose of Sunday morning and how that meets the needs of many people. The community "gathers and scatters." The intent is that they scatter into the community to be agents of change. While working in the church I saw some come to the point in their spiritual transformation to a place that was more about "scattering" than the "gathering." They still sought community but the focus of their faith had shifted from inward to outward. They had received so much and wanted to direct their time and energy into doing. Taking that shift in combination with the reality of how much time people actually have outside of work and family we are forced to recognize that some must move beyond the traditional models of what we call church. This is the focus of the emergent movement in many faith communities today.

We agreed that there is no one formula that is going to work for everyone. The truth is that we need a wide variety of collection points for people to gather and grow in their faith. Even the inflatable church in the picture must serve some purpose. Although for the life of me, I'm not sure what that is!

Introduction

2008-01-10T20:15:00.000-05:00

I am an avid blog reader. This endeavor will determine if I am a blog writer. I need to let you know that this may not be the best time for me to start blogging. My husband and I have recently left a church and there is a residual sense of failure and frustration. I had already left a church in 2006 and I processed that leaving to the point that I really don’t have much left in me to put the time and energy into processing this second leaving. In the 2006 leaving I went to counseling so I could understand my part and to try to not repeat the same patterns. Apparently, I did. But no matter how much processing or counseling I’ve done, these are life events that have changed me and I will carry forever.

So, I preface this first entry with these experiences so whoever reads this is aware that my journey has become more about moving away from the church than toward it. I can say that no matter what my experience has been with the church that I have always been drawn, intrigued, and tethered to the divine.

When I left the first church there were a few women who figured out how to attend that church and still maintain a relationship with me. I owe much of my healing to them. I still ached for others to reach out to me from that community. And the realization that I had caused pain to others haunts me. I compared it to a divorce and the father (or the lead pastor, in this case) got the kids and the house.

In this most recent departure I am very grateful that we will be able to continue building relationships with a small group. I have their permission to write about our discussions and I hope their comments will clarify anything that has come through my filter. As I have already confessed, my filter is biased. I will try to be clear when thoughts are going through my filter but I’m sure there will be some overlap. They know they can slap my hand when I misrepresent them.